About The Pontificater of Excrement

No DumpingSo you want to know more about the Pontificater of Excrement.  Well, I’m not surprised.

He is the result of a secret experiment carried out at a genetics laboratory. The goal was to produce the perfect child using genetic material from six carefully chosen male donors.

Alan (from Wayne’s World)
Lloyd Christmas
Bret and Jermaine from The Flight of the Conchords
Kenny Fucking Powers
Chunk (from the Goonies)

To the surprise of the scientists, the embryo split and triplets were born. The mother, Mary Ann Benedict, was told that Julius died at birth, and not told about Vincent or the Shit Talker at all. The genetics program was shut down soon after they were born.

Half legend, half Greek God, and halfway entertaining, he was born with a rare disease that causes fecal matter to actually excrete from his mouth. He was quickly hidden from society for fear his mouth would cause a worldwide revolution.

Lost for what he thought was all eternity, Shit Talker was chained like an animal in the basement of an abandon summer restaurant.  Until a pack of adventures kids found him on their way to seek hidden treasure. After staying with Chunk for brief while Shit Talker was asked to leave after being caught fornicating with Chunk’s mother, sister, and the neighbors cat.

A brief stint in the local jail for public intoxication provided him with the ability to read and write at a sixth grade level.  With so many adventures and opinions to share . . . and no one with the attention span or interest to listen. . . he has resorted to modern technology as a way to create transcripts in which he can only assume will be turned into some kind of religion in the distant future.

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